Hillary's Speech Bubbles

2004-05-23T16:21:00.000-04:00

Well...I can't say that yesterday was entirely bad. Yeah sure it had down parts and I spent quite a bit of the night at my cousin's party upset and crying. But hey I went to laser tag yesterday, I kicked some butt...It was enjoyable. The best was watching the thunderstorm. I've never experienced one quite like it. I love watching thunderstorms. But the best is being with the one you love and

A fallen angel is losing her wings

2004-04-28T21:28:00.000-04:00

Well it certainly has been a while since i have updated this. Not much has happened in the world of Hillary. I started Therapy on Tuesday night, and i couldn't stop crying when I was in there. *feels like a loser* I haven't done much writing but any writing like poems and crap all go into my live journal. *(http://www.livejournal.com/users/dead_heart_/)* incase any of you are the slightest bit

Looking Out The Window...

2004-04-11T22:37:00.000-04:00

Looking Out The Window... Out of my window, There is a whole new life. Always something going on, Never knowing what is passing by. Why bother with all of life's crap When I can just forget it? However, it is hard, Hard to forget the past. Sturdy like a brick wall, Standing straight and strong. Never to fall, Doing nothing but living. Out my window, There is a whole world to see. So many

Slowly Dying

2004-04-03T11:03:00.000-05:00

This is the worst thing in the world. Is it a crime to be able to see my own boyfriend? Is that too much to ask for? I want his mom to see how much this is killing me. I hate it all, i can't stand how when i just need to talk, i am not allowed to see him, and when i am on the phone i can't find the words. i can't explain what i want and how i feel when i am on the phone. I need to get all of this

2004-03-30T14:55:00.000-05:00

So i went to the doctors today...oh joy what fun that was...he said there was nothing wrong with me, and all that it was, was inflamtion of my chest walls. *smacks head* okay...thanks? I now i have to take advil 3 times a day and that is supposed to help me. and I am supposed to go in tomorrow after school for blood tests. I want them to go away so i can go back to the way i was...and they will

What do you see?

2004-03-27T17:03:00.000-05:00

What Do You See? Take a look, Deep down inside of this girl, And tell me what you see. Some say they see a child, Lost and confused. Others say they see a juvenile delinquent, That deserves to be ignored. Some say they see a girl, And nothing else but that. This boy says that he sees an angel. An angel with beauty and grace, This one boy said: "I will never take you for granted. I will always

O_o;

2004-03-26T22:46:00.000-05:00

BAH! I am so bored...it is Friday night and I am basically the only one at home. *smacks head off of desk* I have so much energy I just wanna go out and run...but if I do that then I am gunna cough and get chest pains, and I have had 6 couching attacks followed by chest pains already today...ugh I cant stand this...they are getting worse and worse as I go along. I took gym to stay in shape...I

To Jordan...

2004-03-24T20:28:00.000-05:00

Jordan.... I am incredibly sorry...I hate myself for letting you down like that. I was mad and I said and did things on an impulse, I made a mistake...and now you are upset with me and I have to accept that. But frankly, it hurts. I want things to be better, and I wish I could go back in time and just never post that entry...but I can't. I just want you to forgive me, and to realize that I

Regain the Sparkle...

2004-03-24T10:29:00.000-05:00

first of all i just want to say Sorry, I wrote this poem during gym class one day, so I apologize for the crappyness of it. I also want to apologize for my last entry, I should have never have posted it, due to the fact it got several people upset/mad at me. It is my fault and I accept the consiquneces that have occured.....But everything is better now ^_^...well i wish that everything was better

feels retarded

2004-03-22T16:31:00.000-05:00

i feel so retarded, i practically flipped on jordan today after school, when he did nothing, and i know it is stupid but I can't do anything but cry right now. I'm just so pissed off at myself that I just feel like going and slitting my wrists open and find tranquillity by watching the blood pour out of my body. It is so tempteming, but I'm not going to do it, i promised jordan i wouldn't do it,

Starting Over...

2004-03-03T17:01:00.000-05:00

Starting Over... As I sit, Contemplating life, All this pain, And all my hurt, Shall be forgotten. I won't be bugged, by the things I do not know. The only pain I'll feel, Is that of which, Comes my way. No more dwelling, No more worrying, About things I do now know. A new me, Starting this life over again. No more lies. No more worries. No more pretending, That things are great. I realize life

2004-02-24T18:38:00.000-05:00

well it has been a while since i written in here...I think it is mostly because i have had a lot of things on my mind. The past few weeks I have experienced more stress then I have in my entire life. I have had all my previous problems plus the most recent ones that have happened. I am so stupid for not going and talking to someone about them instead of just letting them all build up then have

The Story No One Knows

2004-02-08T14:59:00.000-05:00

The Story No One Knows Deceitful people, incest and lies, Accusations, pain, stories and hurt. Love is gone with these people as if it dies, These kinds of people treat you like dirt. Everyone in this family knows about this, And no one that it concerns will admit it. It is not one of those things that you can make up for with a kiss, At 15 no one should have to deal with this without being

2004-02-04T12:57:00.000-05:00

Alright...I am really worried. Brianne is having a lot of problems, she failed english and one of her good freinds is moving 25 hours away. I wanna say something but I am not quite sure what to say...even if I do say something she can sometimes be really defensive...and doesn't accept any of the words that I say which could possibly help her. as for my problems...I am really worried...I haven't

Me...

2004-01-27T12:36:00.000-05:00

Me... Hunt me, kill me, Show me hate. Use me, abuse me, Show me pain. Torcher and bruise me, Show me your joy. Hug me, kiss me, Show me love. Pray for me, savour me, Show me you care. Yern for me, die for me, Show me obsession. Show me hate, Show me love, Show me pain, Show me you care, Show me your joy, Show me obsession, Show me things I have never seen. Tell me you need me, Tell me you love

PUNKED PUNKED*

2004-01-21T21:51:00.000-05:00

Thinking...

2004-01-12T16:10:00.000-05:00

Thinking... I sit in the hall, and think. I think about, life, love, family friends, and whatever else, seems to wonder into my mind. I await the day in which I can forget all the things that have gone wrong. I await the day in which I will be eternally happy As I get obsourbed into my writing People try to talk they try to talk about anything and everything However my mind is elsewhere It is

True Feelings

2004-01-11T23:18:00.000-05:00

True Feelings The nights are filled with the harsh words in which you speak You say things in which are not true You see me as something in which I am not You think you know me but you do not Your words hurt and slowly kill me All these nights my eyes are filled Filled with tears in which you made Made by things you say and do Your words hurt and slowly kill me Use me, abuse me do what you

Two Months

2004-01-11T22:37:00.000-05:00

Two months Two months have passed and I feel safer each day through out the pain and hurt that is given to me I know that I will always have someone's shoulder to cry on Whether it is someone dear Or whether it is someone I hardly know I know that I will have a way to deal A way to deal with this pain In which I hide inside A way to forget all the pain given I may seem happy but do not be

Have you ever?

2004-01-07T22:11:00.000-05:00

Have you ever? Have you ever wished you didn't exsist? Waking up looking around and knowing it is another day full of shit. Mother's treating their 15 year old daughters as if they were 5 Father's hoping that their daughters will stay alive If only they see the shit that they put us through Maybe then they would realize why we act the way we do. Waking up at 7:00 every morning Hoping that today

Writers block

2004-01-06T15:28:00.000-05:00

Well it has been a while since I last updated this...it is just I have been having MAJOR family problems, and MAJOR writer's block...and it is horrible because A. when i have major family problems I write about them to help get my mind off of them and since I have been having writers block I can't and B. I can't express myself. 5 days! In 5 Days it will be Jordan's and my two month, ^_^ YAY! *

WHEE HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2004-01-01T17:57:00.000-05:00

WHEE HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! Jordan, Chantelle Kyle and I went to Mapleview yesterday afternoon, we went shopping...I think the guys liked Chantelle and me trying on mini skirts to much.....>>; *sighs* bois. When we got back to my place we played THU for a while then we had dinner as we sat on the floor....then the guys had a brilliant idea half way through dinner that it would be fun to see who

2003-12-29T15:04:00.000-05:00

I am so nervous to go shoppin on wednesday with chantelle and the guys...I know we will have fun and all but with the amout of weight that I have lost I am so skinny and ugh it is confusing...I had another really crappy sleep last night, no matter what I do to even try & get to sleep nothing helps. I end up staying up later and later each night just merly tossing and turning in my bed to even try

2003-12-29T00:47:00.000-05:00

I used to never bother with it ...but then all the shrugging off that I did it has finally caught up with me...I would just say aww fuck it...and after doing that so many times I can't do it anymore, and now I am in over my head & drowning in it...like I can't sleep, and I am loosing weight because of all the pressure and stress I am under. None of my clothes are fitting right they are all too

AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

2003-12-27T11:14:00.000-05:00

So Jordan Chantelle and Kyle came over last night...and it was about 11:30 we had just finished watching bowling for columbine. And we were watching While you were out....well Chantelle and I MADE the guys watch it lol...so we were watching that and Jordan was laying down with his head on my lap just looking up at me smiling...it seemed kinda weird cuz it kinda looked like one of those evil "I'm

I can't stand my grandparents

2003-12-26T15:08:00.000-05:00

UGH I feel like dying right now. My grandparents are over and they seem to think that everything is all peachy. They don't even care that I feel like punching them right now. They don't care about me or my feelings. they think that everything is all good...when in full out reality, Nothing is all good. I am so increadiably bored...there is absolutley nothing to do, I can't play any of my PS2

I hate this time of year

2003-12-24T10:06:00.000-05:00

Well it is one day until Christmas, while everyone is all happy and giddy, I am not so happy and giddy. I want to be there is a place deep down inside of me that is jumping for joy, but all the rest of me is upset and depressed. My family has made plans that don't include my parents sister and me. And right about now I feel like going over to my aunt's place and punching her face in. She has no

So confused

2003-12-23T22:25:00.000-05:00

Somethings I just don't understand...I was in the living room asking my mom a question and then she was telling her friend on the phone what I was wearing, my plaid pants, a black t-shirt and the sweater that jordy gave me, I turn and walk away and then I heard her say, "god she is so skinny" and I don't get it cuz I eat and eat and eat all the time and I seem to get thinner and thinner. I don't

Words of Advice

2003-12-22T22:00:00.000-05:00

OK here are some words of advice, especially ones that I should follow: *clears throat* Never...and I mean NEVER go out bra shopping with my mother. When we were at the mall today, we went into la senza, my mom and I were looking around when she picks up a thong...now my mother being the one who does not seem to get out much looked at it then turns to me and says "were is the rest of it!?" I was

WHEE

2003-12-22T20:39:00.000-05:00

So I was at the mall today, HOLY SHIT IT WAS BUSY! I finished up my Christmas shopping, I just need to wrap them now. However I have no box to wrap my parents present in. I was at my aunt's place last night for dinner with my family and jordan. It was so cute, my little cousins feel in love with Jordan, and he showed true fatherly skills, I was sitting on the couch watching him talk to my

tired & sore

2003-12-20T22:54:00.000-05:00

ok my knee really hurt v_v PAIN! The Christmas Concert went really good. My parents met Jordan's parents and they think that they are really nice. And now my parents are practically insisting on giving Jordan a christmas present. >_<;...now as for the present that I got him....I really hope he likes. Everyone I tell says that he will like it. As for other things I start to wonder why Jordan

confused

2003-12-17T19:32:00.000-05:00

OK now i knew that I didn't feel to great today and I promised Jordan I would eat something and Usually I can about this time when I haven't eaten all day. Especially when there is a big bowl of popcron sitting infront of me but today I can't I had a few pieces of popcorn and that is it I can't eat anymoreI just want thinkgs to go better and be like ythey used to be not so complicated...I don't

Worst day............EVER

2003-12-17T16:44:00.000-05:00

Worst Day...............................*long pause* EVER. 10th anniversary of my grandfathers death. So pathetic *(me)*. It was inbetween first & second period I was standing talking to jordan like I usually do, when Jag comes up and asks if I am ok I said no and he gave me a hug and POOF i was in tears. Just like that. I just started balling, Jim and Jordan were busy talking as I was balling

sudden realization

2003-12-16T21:22:00.000-05:00

so yesterday I am sitting at the computer and this is what happened...my mom comes up to me and she was like hillary you are very subdude lately is everything alright? and I was like no...she was like well what it wrong I was like life is wrong and then she flips out on me saying 'you need serious help, blah blah blah bitch bitch' and she thinks that she is the only one who is upset about the

Time for a rant

2003-12-01T10:09:00.000-05:00

Ranting time for me. I hate my school you do one thing and you are automatically considered a poser. it is so stupid. a girl wears a tie and you get the reaction "OMG IT IS AVRIL LAVIGNE! WHERE'S YOUR SK8ERBOI AVRIL?" it is so stupid. As I walk down the halls people stare, not just at me but at my friends. Yes, we maybe different, but everyone is, in their own way. We get called 'posers' and '

RESPECT -- what does it mean anymore?

2003-11-30T14:25:00.000-05:00

When I was writing out all of my skills, values, and interests for careers class it made me realize how many things I enjoy and like to do. I have never really realized what kinds of things I can actually do but doing this really made me see that I can do a lot more then I think I can. This exercise shows off what you can and what you think you can not do. By doing this, you can either a. gain a

2003-11-29T10:25:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading my bestfriends blog, I am really worried about her, she doesn't eat she doesn't sleep she just isn't happy anymore. I don't like to see her like this. I am so worried about her, even though there is nothing that I can really do about it. I just want her to know and to understand that I am here for her day or night, she can call me anytime if she needs to talk. And that I

UGh

2003-11-22T14:23:00.000-05:00

So Jordan was over last night...which was cool...but after he left ON CAME THE NAGGING! Holy Crap I have never been nagged so much in my life! Actually I probably have...but meh oh well. mY mom started going ON and ON, She was like I don't want you to have to sit on opposite sides of the couch but you are 15! I don't want you to get in over your head with all the kissing and shit I was like o..k

SO COLD!

2003-11-15T09:44:00.000-05:00

Well I guess you could basically say that Winter is here. It was snowing and it is freezing. Stupid Canadian winter why do they have to be so cold? we aren't cold to them! well actually now that I think about it, we are cold and bitter to them. We say bad things about how it is so cold. Like I love the snow I just hate to shovel it and slip and fall on the ice that is underneath it. UGH...my room

GO CHANTIE!

2003-11-13T16:07:00.000-05:00

So today is the day of Chanties big voice competion and also Kyle's White Stripes concert **stupid lucky bastard**...but GOOD LUCK CHANTIE!. Me so excited for you! You'll do good I know you will ^_^. OK I am scared my parents are getting into the Christmas spirit a little toooo early...it is November 13th, and they are decorating the house, watching Christmas movies, doing Christmas shopping,

WHEEE! TURN AROUND POINT!

2003-11-11T21:25:00.000-05:00

YAY LIFE'S TURN AROUND POINT! Jordan asked me out tonight WHEEE! I am happy now...Like I knew he liked me and that he has for a while but he finally asked me out and I can barley type I feel just like typing: afdskldasfjkahgkjadfgkjafgkjafgkjfhgkjafhgkjfhkgjfahdg jfajkhgfgjkfjgklah cuz I am so happy and excited XD!!!! *breathes* ok I think I am alright now. So I was at the mall today and I

(none)

2003-11-10T18:18:00.000-05:00

So Kyle H. and Chantie are going out now...YAY for them XD! But things on my side aren't so good after 11 years you kinda wish for things to change. it gets kinda annoying after a while actually. I really want to see that turn around point in life it will make things so much better for me. I want too have a b/f who will treat me right and not like an object...now i know that life doesn't revolve

WHEEE!

2003-11-09T11:31:00.000-05:00

Ok so here is the scoop. My dad is a firefighter who runs a side buisness of teaching first aid and CPR, well he was offerred the chance to go to the DOMINICAN! THAT IS RIGHT THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC **starts to day dream about white sandy beachs, clear blue water, and VERY hot cabana bois** ** drools** XD! **so excited**. HEHE. Well anyways, we were having some sort of family meeting to talk about

W00T!

2003-11-08T20:28:00.001-05:00

So I was at Chantie's since last night and I got home about 7ish today. HOLY SHIT! What an amazing night! As soon as I got there not 2 minutes later the door bell rings and my best friend Jag is there along with Frank *(some guy who know who I was but I had no idea what he looked like)*. So for about an hour we were outside talking to them and freezing our asses off. I however wasn't cold but my

GRAND OPENING BUBBLE!!

2003-11-07T22:53:00.000-05:00

YEAH DUDE!! Tank you Chantie-loo for making me this wonderful Bubbly Blog!!! =^_^= My Shiney Tunes: This is the New Shit - Marylin Manson Current Mood: HYPER